Transcript for Tiny Big (episode)
Narrator: Just another typical day in the office of Mr. Big Enterprises.
(Scene: Mr. Big is in his penthouse office with Leslie. He has set up a miniature golf course in there, and prepares to hit a shot. The ball ricochets off of different objects, goes past a TV screen broadcasting a Pretty Princess episode, and shatters something offscreen. He puts the club back in the bag.)
Mr. Big: Drat!
Leslie: Mr. Big, your favorite commercial is about to air.
Mr. Big: Oh, goodie!
(A commercial airs, with a boy holding up a white cube. This is a commercial for "The Thing", introduced in Mr. Big's self-titled season 1 episode. Mr. Big is talking in the background.)
Mr. Big (voiceover): Do your parents make money? Do you want bright--
(The commercial is interrupted by breaking news.)
Announcer: Are we on? (clears throat) We interrupt this extremely mesmerizing commercial to bring you a breaking news story. WordGirl will be receiving her forty-first key to the city this weekend, to thank her for her work in defeating evil villains such as Dr. Two-Brains and Mr. Big. Tune in tomorrow for our live commercial-free coverage of WordGirl’s key ceremony.
(Mr. Big turns off the TV.)
Mr. Big: Commercial free? I pay big money for those commercials, so people will buy-- my-- products! Hasn’t WordGirl gotten enough keys to the city? The fame is getting to her head. Don’t you think?
Leslie: When you’re hot, you’re hot.
Mr. Big: Hmm… I wonder if she’d be so interested in fighting crime if she weren’t in the limelight! You know, it’s time to put a stop to this! Mwa-ha-ha-ha! Mwa-ha-ha! Ah! Mwa-ha! (clears his throat) Leslie, how quickly can you manufacture a pop star?
Leslie: Twenty-four hours.
Mr. Big: Great! And let’s make him extremely handsome, intelligent, and powerful, eh, in other words, a younger version of me. (chuckles)
(He takes a club and swings at the ball again. It flies out of his hands and breaks through the window. A few seconds later, it crashes into something and an alarm goes off.)
Narrator: The next day, outside City Hall...
(Scene: above City Hall. WordGirl hovers with Captain Huggy Face, reading a piece of paper. She descends to the ground, where Scoops is standing.)
Scoops: Hey, WordGirl! Congratulations on the key. So, first of all, how do you feel about awards ceremonies? Do you think your fame distracts you from your goal of keeping the city safe?
WordGirl: Oh, no! Actually, being in the limelight helps my cause because it allows me to be a good role model. Luckily, I have many loyal fans who show up at events such as--
(She looks around, and sees that no one else is here.)
WordGirl: Hey! Where are all the cameras and the people? And the key ceremony is supposed to start in five minutes!
(Exposition Guy runs onto the scene.)
Exposition Guy: He-e-elp! The biggest pop star in the world, Tiny Big, is making an appearance at the mall in five minutes, and I don’t have a ride!
WordGirl: At the exact same time as my key ceremony?
(The mayor runs onto the scene, carrying a key.)
Mayor: This is a travesty!
WordGirl: I know, it is a shame, I’ve got my speech--
Mayor: No, no, no time to chat, uh, we’re going to be late, you want a ride?
WordGirl: No thanks.
(Exposition Guy runs toward his car, his hands still up in the air.)
(Scoops also runs to the car.)
Mayor: (to WordGirl) Okay, see ya!
WordGirl: You going to at least give me the key first?
Mayor: Sorry, I gotta go.
(The car takes off.)
(Scene: the mall. Tiny Big is performing. The crowd is screaming.)
Tiny Big: (singing) Look into my eyes, you’ll be hypnotized. Look into my eyes, and you’ll be hypnotized.
(After some twirling moves, he stops and speaks to the audience.)
Tiny Big: Thanks, everybody! I’ll be out front signing copies of my new CD, “WordGirl is Lame”!
(Everyone rushes toward him to get him to sign copies of his CD. Becky and Bob walk up behind them.)
Becky: I’d like to know what he’s done to deserve this attention. I mean, who IS this guy?
(We see different kids walking up to him in line, and getting pictures taken with him.)
Kirrilee: Hello, he’s Tiny Big? He’s only like the biggest--
Becky: --pop star in the whole world? I heard.
Violet: Becky! I got the tissue he sneezed in! I’m so lucky! You should get in line.
Becky: Why would I want a dirty tissue? Yuck!
Violet: It’s Tiny Big’s!
Becky: Violet, don’t you realize Tiny Big is just a fad?
Violet: What do you mean Becky?
Becky: A fad. A passing craze. No one’s gonna care about Tiny Big tomorrow, or whenever the next big thing hits.
Violet: Big thing hits?
Becky: Remember last year, when everyone wanted a Pretty Princess Sparkle Scooter?
Violet: Oh, yeah! I totally forgot.
Becky: That’s my point. And soon, Tiny Big will be forgotten just like the scooter, and--
Violet: --and WordGirl? No one talks about her anymore.
Becky: WordGirl is NOT a fad!
Kirrilee: Did anyone even go to her lame-o key ceremony?
Becky: Okay, okay! Unlike some people, WordGirl has a real talent. People are always going to need her to keep the world safe. I mean, anyone can sing or dance.
Kirrilee: Let’s see you try!
(Becky begins doing her signature “dance”, pumping her arms up and down randomly while moving around, and singing off-key and with no rhythm.)
Becky: Look into my eyes, you’ll be hypnotized. Look into my eyes, you’ll be hypno--
(Bob kicks her.)
Scoops: Don’t quit your day job. Heh, yeah.
Tiny Big: Okay, sorry, that’s it folks.
(He is escorted off by Mr. Big’s bodyguards, while everyone chants his name.)
Tiny Big: That’s my show, time to go, gotta run. Thank you! Goodnight!
Scoops: My cover story has left the building. Gotta go!
(Violet and Bob follow behind him, leaving Becky by herself. Another group of fans run by, knocking her over.)
(Scene: at Tiny Big’s limo. Fans are crowding around him as he waves at them through the open window. The window closes, and Scoops appears inside the limo through the sun roof.)
Scoops: Tiny Big, do you mind answering a few questions for the Daily Rag?
Tiny Big: Shoot.
Scoops: You’re practically an overnight sensation. How do you feel about being in the limelight?
Tiny Big: Well, you know, I like singing in all shades of light equally. Hey, it’s all good!
Scoops: Actually, by limelight I meant all of your fame, and all of the attention you’ve been getting. You’re famous!
Tiny Big: Well, duh. I love it. I’m sorry, who are you?
Scoops: Oh, I’m Todd “Scoops” Ming, reporter for the Daily Rag. It’s my school’s newspaper.
Tiny Big: You gonna ask me for my autograph?
Scoops: (gasps) Yeah!
Narrator: The next day at Mr. Big’s evil corporate headquarters…
(Scene: the area surrounding Mr. Big’s skyscraper. Billboards and cut-outs of Tiny Big can be seen on top of all the nearby buildings. The scene then cuts to inside his office, where Mr. Big is looking out at all the posters.)
Mr. Big: A-ha-ha-ha! Mwah! Mwah! Mwah-ha-ha-ha! My brilliant plan is working! Aah. People are obsessed with tiny me. And who could blame them? Ha-ha-ha-ha...
(He picks up an electric guitar and swings it around. Leslie comes in.)
Mr. Big: ...ah, hi.
Leslie: Sorry I’m late, traffic was horrendous.
Mr. Big: Oh, Leslie, Leslie, we did it, we defeated WordGirl! No one CARES about her and her little-- aardvark now!
(He does a guitar riff.)
Leslie: That’s wonderful.
(A plate flies by, carrying a banner of Tiny Big.)
Mr. Big: Hm. Tiny Big really does take after me, doesn’t he?
Leslie: Well, that’s how you ordered him. You play guitar?
Mr. Big: Yes, of course. Many years ago, I was lead singer of a band called Rockaroni!
(The scene shifts to a flashback of Mr. Big performing in his band, with four blonde female guitar players behind him, singing a song in the style of Robert Palmer. The song is called “I Wanna Date Your Money”, from the album Squishy Bunnies, released by Mr. Big Records.)
Mr. Big: (singing in flashback) I wanna date your money, / I wanna date your money, / Be my squishy bunny, Make my sun more sunny, / Let me date your money!
Mr. Big: Oh, how I miss being in the limelight.
Leslie: Frankly, I’m surprised you’d be interested in pop music. It’s not very… evil corporation of you.
Mr. Big: Actually, pop stars are the most powerful people in the world, even more powerful than the evilest businessmen. They can use their limelight to influence children to do anything, from wearing silly clothes to spending all of their parents’ money… (gasps) Leslie, Tiny Big could be a real cash cow for us! We should put out another three albums in the next week! Don’t ya think?
Narrator: Later, at the department store…
(Scene: outside the department store, Tiny Big signs are posted everywhere. Inside the store, appliances have a Tiny Big trademark on them. Mr. Botsford, Becky and Bob are there shopping.)
Mr. Botsford: Now, what should I get… Official Tiny Big washer? Good idea, Bob. She’s gonna love this!
Becky: Oh, come on! Mom doesn’t care about Tiny What’s-his name!
Mr. Botsford: I believe his name is Tiny Big. Don’t be embarrassed, Becky-- I’m a pretty cool dad, okay?
Becky: Isn’t a hundred thousand dollars a little steep for a washing machine?
Mr. Botsford: That’s not a lot. Look, it’s hi-def! What does that even mean? I don’t know, I don’t care.
Becky: Dad, we don’t have that much money!
Mr. Botsford: Think of it as an investment, honey. Tiny Big is the biggest pop star in the world! These are collector’s items!
Becky: But this is all going to be junk as soon as people get tired of Tiny Big. He’s just a fad.
(Mr. Botsford and Bob are busy gathering up different Tiny Big items and putting them in the shopping cart.)
Mr. Botsford: Ooh, this throw rug would really pull together our living room!
Becky: Why are you so enthusiastic about spending all our money? And why is everything so expensive-- (to Bob) Don’t touch that!
(Exposition Guy appears, flailing his arms.)
Exposition Guy: He-e-elp! Tiny Big is performing across town in ten minutes, and I can’t find my car keys!
(A crowd of fans stampede by, followed by Mr. Botsford. Becky pulls Bob off of a Tiny Big pogo stick. Then she puts her fingers on her chest, and takes off.)
Becky: Word UP!
(Scene: a stage across town. Mr. Big is performing in front of a large crowd. WordGirl arrives with Huggy, and flies backstage, landing next to Mr. Big and his bodyguards.)
Mr. Big: WordGirl? How did you get backstage? I- I- I didn’t put you on the guest list!
WordGirl: Well, I AM a superhero! And I know exactly what you’re doing. You created a fad in order to control the minds of these poor unsuspecting people!
Mr. Big: I am NOT controlling their minds!
WordGirl: Then why is the entire town practically hypnotized by Tiny Big?
Mr. Big: Well, perhaps because he’s extremely charming, good looking, and talented. Just like me! (chuckles) Oh look, he’s even got a dancing hyena!
(WordGirl looks beside her, and sees that Huggy is gone.)
WordGirl: (gasps) Captain Huggy Face?
(She sees that he is on stage with Tiny Big, dancing along. The mayor comes up behind her.)
Mayor: Does anyone know where I might find the most popular celebrity in this city? A celebrity who is currently in the limelight?
(Mr. Big and WordGirl point to the stage.)
Mayor: Because I’d like to present him with this key to the city!
WordGirl: You’re giving him my key?
Mayor: Please, step aside, WordGirl. I need to get through.
Mayor: Tiny Big, I hereby bestow upon you this key to the city!
Tiny Big: Cool. What does it open?
Mayor: Well, it doesn’t open anything, it’s just a symbol.
Tiny Big: Ugh. It sounds kind of lame. (He tosses the key away.)
WordGirl: LAME?! It’s not lame! This is the last straw!
(She flies onto the stage.)
WordGirl: Attention! Attention, everyone! Tiny Big is a fraud!
(The crowd hurls tomatoes at her, knocking her down. They boo her)
Girl: Get off the stage, WordGirl! We want to hear some tunes!
WordGirl: But Tiny Big is controll--
(The bodyguards grab her by the arms and drag her off stage.)
WordGirl: Guys-- you don’t understand-- I’m telling you--
(The bodyguards toss her toward the back of the backstage area.)
Tiny Big: Okay, sorry about that, folks. I’d like to dedicate my next song to WordGirl. One, two, three, four-- (singing) You’re so lame / You are so lame / You’re so lame / You are so lame…
(WordGirl looks around, and notices Leslie walking around behind a curtain. When she checks it out, she seeing a giant tape player.)
WordGirl: Wait a second… he’s not even singing! It’s a hoax! (She smiles at the realization.) Tiny Big, your fifteen minutes of fame are UP!
(She presses the stop button on the tape player. The music and singing grinds to a halt, and Tiny Big remains frozen in position. The audience starts booing him and throwing tomatoes. They start throwing products at him, including Mr. Botsford’s throw rug.)
Tiny Big: RUN!
(Tiny Big runs past them backstage, followed by Huggy. Slowly, Huggy inches his way back to WordGirl, and she looks at him suspiciously.)
Mr. Big: No! No! What happened?
WordGirl: Guess he’s not so talented AFTER all!
Voice from crowd: Hey, there he is!
WordGirl: I’d get out of here now, if I were you!
(Mr. Big, Leslie and the bodyguards run away.)
WordGirl: Ha! I knew he was just a fad.
(As the crowd chases Mr. Big, the mayor and Scoops come up to WordGirl.)
Mayor: WordGirl, you have saved the-- (reads cards) --city from-- (reads again) --Mr. Big! And as a gesture of thanks, I’d like to offer you this key to the city!
WordGirl: Well gee, thanks!
Scoops: This is gonna make a great front page story: “WordGirl receives thirty-ninth key to the city!
WordGirl: Actually, it’s my forty-first.
Scoops: Oh! Forty-one?
WordGirl: You’re forgetting the two I got last week during the WordGirl parade.
(She chuckles and admires her key. The mayor and Scoops walk away.)
Narrator: And so, WordGirl once again has saved the city from Mr. Big’s Tiny Big fad. And she’s back in the limelight where she belongs.
WordGirl: You make it sound like I NEED the attention.
Narrator: You certainly do enjoy it.
WordGirl: Do not! Okay… maybe just a little.
Narrator: Tune in next time for more exciting adventures of WordGirl!
(During the closing scene, WordGirl comes out onto the stage and starts doing her signature dance, pumping her arms in the air with her tongue sticking out. The crowd cringes. Huggy covers his face.)